Thursday, January 11, 2007

Felis silvestris catus

A week back, the CAT results were announced.

For those of you fortunate enough to not have had a brush with this monstrosity, CAT stands for Common Aptitude Test,something that these Indian Institute of Management blokes hold once every year to have a good laugh with the complete expense borne by the participating jokers.This time round there were nearly quarter of a million of these jokers who usually come from all walks of life for their 2 (now 2 and a half) hours of tryst with destiny.
CAT is something like the Daddy-promise to get the He-Man toy on your birthday if you stay good for the next six months and do your homework everyday and help your mother out in the kitchen and.....and .....(Parents always have their camouflaged win-win conditions. don't they ?). Anyway quite similarly, this bunch of jokers slog for their He-Mans to come and make life simpler for them or so they believe.

These jokers,and I'd restrain the discussions to the ones originating from the engineering sector, hereby referred to as Jawans, usually start talking about CAT during their first years in college with the firm decision that they'd specialize only in finance and nothing else when in all probability,their extent of knowledge about the financial world is comparable to Mallika Sherawat's affinity for clothes.

Gradually once the ragging period is over though and no one anymore feeds them with information of the type that Balubhai who sells eggs in the First hostel is also an electrical engineering passout from the same college, the Jawans usually ease out and dedicate the next three years in search of pornography in the internet.

Then comes June of final year ...its 5 months to CAT and many rediscover their long subdued passion for feenance.This time round the Jawans come armed with loads of Business world magazines and months of Economic Times which all of course goes to Balubhai who uses it to demarcate his omlettes from the half-frys. Red paper-Omlette, White Paper-Half Fry.
Simple rule of finance.

The poor souls lead a non engineer's life during the next few months trying to figure out things like who was Ramu's father if his second cousin was married to Sheela who had three daughters, all females one of whom was a school teacher and neither of her cousins Jatin and Rani were doctors. The lawyers in the family were not vegetarians and Deepika was the only ShahRukh Khan fan. Their pet dog Jimmy was allergic to vodka without any lime cordial and Ramesh and Jiten were not brothers!!!
They compare and analyse the sugarcane production, wool generation and alluminium output of 12 South American countries with bar diagrams, histograms, Chi-Square tests, normality tests and remaining sanity.
The hapless souls burn many a candle to try and figure out what Carl Gustav Jung meant to say when he spoke of integrating spirituality and appreciation of the unconscious realm and then deciding whether the tone of the author in the paragraph was fuzzy,pedantic,obstreperous or regressionist.Four unknown words as choices are all that he had till last year! This year they added the choice Confucian and so now Jawan has 5 choices to direct his destiny.

Jawan takes simulated exams named after all available species of Cats and by the time he reaches the actual exam hall on a nice November Sunday morning, he can barely remember his name and it is for this purpose that such cases are provided an Admit card with a name, photograph and address so that people can help these poor souls find their way back home.

What happens during the next three odd hours will certainly need another post so I am skipping that portion here.

A month or so from that Sunday ,the results are announced in a website and if you wished to see your score on the same day that the results are released, then you might as well type the website's address, press enter and accompany your mother to her long awaited trip to Amarnath and on the way back maybe make the visit to Rishikesh and Haridwar and then if you've washed away some of your sins of this life and the one previous to it,then you may be blessed with the home page of the IIM on your return.

Now you may click the link which says CAT 2006 results and doesn't Dad always talk about the Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry and the serenity there? So why not make that visit with family and the Rameswaram temple is something to be seen to be believed !!

While some Jawans come back from their trips, type in their CAT registration number, ask their mothers their date of birth, type that in and wait for their results to appear.................................some just wink and go on with their lives.
There are dogs too you know !


Somya said...

awesome awesome post...well even I appeared for CAT after my grad and believe me one look at the q paper and I started regreting the money spent on the form and started calculating how many shoes I could have bought from that money. No wonder I couldn't clear the

Nikhil said...


Even dogs have their day with CAT?!

raama said...

hey... too good mann...
moi a 'serial' CAT taker..

-Lura- said...

was thinking of taking it... i guess its time to rethink

Unknown said...

Truely deserve a pat on back for this post...

Unknown said...

Laughed Out Loud
One of the few blogs I have read that made complete sense from the start.. well i believe its coz of the fact that it related perfectly well to the life of a CAT taker.
yet another cat failure - SUD

Wanderlust said...

@somya- Thanks somya ..Shoes are certainly a better investment than CAT anyday. :-)

@nikhil -Yes dude who knows it better than us?

@raama - honoured to meet the veterans :-)

@lura - No buddy....its a lot of fun....Dont miss it. (psst..You get to see a lot of pretty girls in the exam hall.)

@anshuman -Thanks dude.

@sud- Thanks man.I am sure there is nothing called a CAT failure....
God just saved you from two years of sleepless nights.

Jayaram Mahalingam said...

Nice one dude. Probably this test has been ridiculed so much because 1)it grabs so much attention and attendence and 2) the success rate i.e ones that make into IIMs is abysmally and ridiculously low. The fact remains that the test demands sound quant skills...probably inherited and not acquired!

Unknown said...

hey...whr are u...m still in Manchester..u dont reply only...abe kot thako toi..

A Bala said...

its really cool dude...but its kind of feel it lets try once..

Mayur said...

yeah dude i surely agree with you~indeed it needs sustained dogged effort to bell the CAT ;)

Nice post btw


The great Escape said...

A span of 5 years put articulately in words.....I have always been your biggest fan!

Prayers to the Almighty
Bhaagwaanji ab to naiya paar laga do!!!!

dazedandconfused said...

Yeah its tough. But its worth it!! :)

Raghav said... that I can never forget..btw are u the same wanderlust on vahgar u are stud..BLACKI?!

Wanderlust said...

@jayaram -For people with my level of IQ we would need no less than divine intervention to get through.

@parvez- oyi ghorot aasu etiya In Guwahati..Will contact you once I reach back. till when are you there ?

@Bala-Its anything but cool dude and I have just been banned from appearing any more in CAT by the IIMs.So have your shot.

@Mayur.Thanks mate. As I said above Divinity alone can be my saviour.

@Sushanta --Lage raho Sushanta bhai.

@dazed -- Amen !!

@Raghav -- Most interesting comment you left mate. I was Troglodyte in Pagalguy and unfortunately not a Wanderlust there. So BLACKI it is but just spelt differently as BLACK EYE.I'll accept the stud comments nonetheless :-) Cheers !

Unknown said...

that was too good a post baap..
esp the rules of "Feenance"..
waise apni aukat ke baahar hai feenance karna..(agar kabhi MBA entrance clear hua to!!!)
lagta hai ki ye "*AT" named exams mein apan logon ki file hi retrieve nahin ho paati hai..

Rajarshi said...

Just another great post on a subject with which we all had such 'an involvement'..Nothing more to say..:)