Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stale news for a lease of life

I was woken by a call at around 3 am yesterday... The caller did not identify herself. All she said was "Either we read a new entry in your blog tomorrow or we attend your funeral.In case you foresee circumstances leading to the latter, please choose from one of the following options....Beep...Press 1 for Rampuri 2 for Painless Pillow 3 for Tied Tickling (Authentic Mongolian Feathers used. Not China made) 4 for Skin Peeling...Press 5 for......"
I think I got the hint and cancelled the call...

So with no subject matter in mind, I will give you a quick update on our current affairs.
This is just to save my life and I promise to get back to regular writing very soon.. Mystery Caller please take note.... I am not even married for mercy's sake but wait that the reason I am still alive..hehee? (This evil grin should please be forgiven by married men and forward thinking women )

To get to work...The Maharashtra Chief Minister recently announced a reward of Rs.1000 for every pothole that is brought to the notice of the Municipal corporation. I gleefully calculated that I could easily retire as a multi millionaire if I actually reported even a quarter of the potholes that I see on my way to office.
But no, as always someone had to play the spoilsport to progressive ideas and this time it was the municipal corporation. Their argument was that the number of potholes were actually increasing after the chief ministers statement as people all over were found digging up roads to create new potholes where there were none.
Absolutely distressing to see such entrepreneurship tendencies of the common man being strangulated.

The imbroglio over the Tata's small car plant in Shingur continues. Mamata Banerjee, the teddy bear sized progressive leader of the state is of the opinion that the factory should be destroyed immediately and the land returned to the farmers as the factory murders the poor farmer's aspirations to continue living a life of povery and deprivation. Can there be any substitute to the charm of continuing to repay generation old debts...debts which have been consecrated by the deaths of starved ancestors...huh? No No Na No....Na No No No...shout her supporters in unison.

Chiranjeevi the pot bellied super star of Telegu movies has launched his own political party and named it Praja Rajyam. One person gave up his life and 13 others fractured their ribs and limbs as token of respect for their leader who entertained them with dance shows.

The Amarnath issue continues to boil.Hundreds are dead.The protesters have proposed changing the name of our northernmost state from "Jammu and Kashmir" to "Jammu or Kashmir" but our shy and soft spoken Prime Minister does not want to intervene in silly matters of English Grammar as he has a DPhil in Economics you see and that too from the University of Oxford.
Oye paape ...And aur Aur me ki fadak penda ??? Bolo Singh is King....Singh is King ..Singh is King ....Balle Balle Democracy.

If you remember, we also have a president in this country Mrs.Pratibha no she is not Shivraj Patil's wife. Anyway we were reminded of this fact when we finally got to see her in the news again posing for pictures with the Olympic winners. When asked of her reactions to these achievements..she said with tearful eyes that she was ever so thankful to Sonia Gandhi and that she hopes that Rahul Gandhi becomes the prime minister soon....Mrs Patil...control ur Yomotions

Ram Gopal Verma had announced a prize of Rs 5 lakh to anyone who could watch his latest movie Phoonk alone. No one won it....They belived in his abilities to scare the shit out of people..To this day they thank their lucky stars that they were able to come out alive of halls screening RGV ki Aag. Rarely since the holocaust have such gruesome and scary torture chambers been created.
But guys please go and watch Mumbai Meri Jaan. It is an awesome movie with terrific performances.

This sums it up for the day....will be back soon...honestly life threatening calls please....
P.S...If any of you know the Mystery Caller...please please ...tell her that the task is now done.