Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stale news for a lease of life

I was woken by a call at around 3 am yesterday... The caller did not identify herself. All she said was "Either we read a new entry in your blog tomorrow or we attend your funeral.In case you foresee circumstances leading to the latter, please choose from one of the following options....Beep...Press 1 for Rampuri Jhatka...press 2 for Painless Pillow ..press 3 for Tied Tickling (Authentic Mongolian Feathers used. Not China made)...press 4 for Skin Peeling...Press 5 for......"
I think I got the hint and cancelled the call...

So with no subject matter in mind, I will give you a quick update on our current affairs.
This is just to save my life and I promise to get back to regular writing very soon.. Mystery Caller please take note.... I am not even married for mercy's sake but wait ...is that the reason I am still alive..hehee? (This evil grin should please be forgiven by married men and forward thinking women )

To get to work...The Maharashtra Chief Minister recently announced a reward of Rs.1000 for every pothole that is brought to the notice of the Municipal corporation. I gleefully calculated that I could easily retire as a multi millionaire if I actually reported even a quarter of the potholes that I see on my way to office.
But no, as always someone had to play the spoilsport to progressive ideas and this time it was the municipal corporation. Their argument was that the number of potholes were actually increasing after the chief ministers statement as people all over were found digging up roads to create new potholes where there were none.
Absolutely distressing to see such entrepreneurship tendencies of the common man being strangulated.

The imbroglio over the Tata's small car plant in Shingur continues. Mamata Banerjee, the teddy bear sized progressive leader of the state is of the opinion that the factory should be destroyed immediately and the land returned to the farmers as the factory murders the poor farmer's aspirations to continue living a life of povery and deprivation. Can there be any substitute to the charm of continuing to repay generation old debts...debts which have been consecrated by the deaths of starved ancestors...huh? No No Na No....Na No No No...shout her supporters in unison.

Chiranjeevi the pot bellied super star of Telegu movies has launched his own political party and named it Praja Rajyam. One person gave up his life and 13 others fractured their ribs and limbs as token of respect for their leader who entertained them with dance shows.

The Amarnath issue continues to boil.Hundreds are dead.The protesters have proposed changing the name of our northernmost state from "Jammu and Kashmir" to "Jammu or Kashmir" but our shy and soft spoken Prime Minister does not want to intervene in silly matters of English Grammar as he has a DPhil in Economics you see and that too from the University of Oxford.
Oye paape ...And aur Aur me ki fadak penda ??? Bolo Singh is King....Singh is King ..Singh is King ....Balle Balle Democracy.

If you remember, we also have a president in this country Mrs.Pratibha Patil...no no she is not Shivraj Patil's wife. Anyway we were reminded of this fact when we finally got to see her in the news again posing for pictures with the Olympic winners. When asked of her reactions to these achievements..she said with tearful eyes that she was ever so thankful to Sonia Gandhi and that she hopes that Rahul Gandhi becomes the prime minister soon....Mrs Patil...control ur Yomotions

Ram Gopal Verma had announced a prize of Rs 5 lakh to anyone who could watch his latest movie Phoonk alone. No one won it....They belived in his abilities to scare the shit out of people..To this day they thank their lucky stars that they were able to come out alive of halls screening RGV ki Aag. Rarely since the holocaust have such gruesome and scary torture chambers been created.
But guys please go and watch Mumbai Meri Jaan. It is an awesome movie with terrific performances.

This sums it up for the day....will be back soon...honestly ...no life threatening calls please....
P.S...If any of you know the Mystery Caller...please please ...tell her that the task is now done.

10 comments:

Tom said...

Now that's some good humour in here!

silverine said...

Absolute gem of a post. Glad to see you back!!! :) You are one of my favorite reads! Sorry I had to resort to underhand tactics :|

This had me guffawing lol!!!

Anonymous said...

chiranjeevi not used to be a pot bellied superstar until his later 40's. By that time he was already a megastar. Mind u, he dances like hell at the age of 54(while u only see his belly not his talent) . The stupid way you wrote about his party inaguration hurts. It's not a joke u might think. The ppl who died or injured got so due to soem unexpected heart failure or road accidents. Making joke of this describes one's innerself.
Btw, am not ur enemy or any such thing...but pls restrain from making comments on things u dont know!!

Wanderlust said...

@tom - Thanks mate...

@silverine-- Its such a pleasure to read ur comments. You and ur blogs have been a great motivator for me to keep writing..

@anonymous - Ha ha ..Thanks for those thought provoking comments...I was wondering why sages went to the Himalayas to search for their innerself....Making a stupid joke on a popular cinestar could have given them that knowledge ..what a waste....thanks for showing the right path mate..Cheers.

Divya said...

Hey apart from your blog, i loved your reply to anonymous about chiranjeevi...i mean that was just cool. I still find hard to understand the mystery of Supestar RajniKant dancing with a 18 or less babes and matching expressions...you are a true entertainer man...

Anonymous said...

Welcome back after a long sabbatical ....

Rajarshi said...

Hey Man, Nice to see you back after a long time. Good to see that it took a female reader of your blog to at last bring you out of your slumber. Keep the humour flowing. As for the news from my end, I am right now inhabiting Her Majesty's land. Short term hai. Keep in touch.

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Amitabhada, need your help on somthing: this. Please post something on 2nd October.

Thoorika said...

I am a journalism student. Recently only I gave my current affairs exam. Now I feel why I didnt hit upon your blog earlier!!! Nice post! Nice blog!!!

PS : My answers are somewhat the same as your post!! I pity the guy who is gonna correct it!!

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