Tuesday, November 27, 2007

An ode to Maggi

Some millions of years ago....
A scene from a typical evening in a bachelor cavehold .The language which was spoken in those days was Cavespeak

Cave Dweller Bachelor 1 - ool ..ool? (Food ..Food ?)
Cave Dweller Bachelor 2 - Maka keega kidneeee (Big dinosaur's kidney)

Cave Dweller Bachelor 1 - Maka neh zook !!!( Terrible !!!)
Cave Dweller Bachelor 2 - Yumma Morona !....Zazall v ave..(Eat you moron! That's all we have)

Cave Dweller Bachelor 1- Bolu...Gonna-maka-zook lom ni gu-tawa (Mate..Hot babe in next cave)
Cave Dweller Bachelor 2- Tooka-Tooka ? (Any Chance for sex ?)

Cave Dweller Bachelor 1- Neh...Neh ... (No way !!!)
Cave Dweller Bachelor 2 - Bolu, zez boondo de bincha ( Chill mate,lets drink Beer)
Cave Dweller Bachelor 1 - Yeh Yeh..Yeh Yeh !!! (Some expressions need no translations)

Nothing much has really changed over the eons, has it ?

However, if one were to choose one invention that has truly revolutionized the lives of bachelors, then that distinction would have to invariably go to Maggi noodles.
I would think that all bachelors here would agree that no other invention has brought more collective joy to them.
Whats wrong with you people !!!! This is a 12A rated blog,for heaven's sake!!!

The noble person responsible for bringing these small packets of joy into the bachelor kitchens was a man named Julius Michael Johannes Maggi who founded the Maggi company in the year 1872 in Switzerland though of course the Maggi noodles came some time after.

For most bachelors with severely demented cooking abilities like yours truly, Maggi has always come as a saviour in moments of crisis.
It was there for us in those hostel days when the mess gave us zebra fodder in the name of dinner or when our initial attempts at cooking had left us with tar-like curries and even darker self esteems.

Some roles which Maggi Noodles has been shouldering for many many years now can be enumerated under the following heads:

Maggi -The Healer
Maggi is a true healer of lost faith. When the male ego is brutally shattered day after day at the altar of the cooking gas,when you can hear the utensils and jars in the kitchen sarcastically sniggering away behind your back, when even those tiny tiny peas keep running away from you in morbid fear, it is then that a small yellow packet in that corner of your shelf peeks out to you as a beacon of renewed hope.You reach out to it with outstretched hands and a weak and broken heart.You feel like crying and running back to the warmth of home where food means 'to eat' and not 'to cook'.
Like a true friend, the 2 minute logo in the packet gives you confidence and puts a comforting hand on your sagging shoulders. (Where else did you think ? Think straight...please think straight)
You put the water to boil and gently drop the noodles and the tastemaker masala. You can still see the spoons, the plates, the glasses and the knives all scrambling over each other's shoulders to get a view at their favourite clown
But today the circus is not to be.
It soon takes shape, the noodles smarten up and the tastemaker blends itself wonderfully with it giving it the perfect look.And before you know it, its done !
And then you taste it. Tears come rolling down your cheeks and you look upwards and just manage to whisper a choked 'Thank you'.
Resurrection can well come in small packets.

Maggi- The tower of Selflessness and Simplicity
Maggi noodles are true proponents of selfless service.They come with no starry airs and instead Nestle you within the warmth of their exceptional taste and ease of preparation.You may well give it the step-motherly treatment every now and then but it would always be there for you on a rainy day.
Nothing pompous, nothing too flashy, just a simple packet with no bombastic claims and yet so efficient.

Maggi- The Management Guru
We,in the software industry are taught to give an estimate to the client which should be at least twice or thrice the time we would actually need to do the work.
This is usually to buffer out emergencies like 3 hour lunch breaks, 12 stops to the coffee vending machines and all the time that goes to buy farewell gifts for the ever resigning people.Damn the attrition rate in this industry.
Maggi,in stark contrast, is a true professional in this sense . It sticks to its time of 2 minutes and in the process teaches us the true value of time.
Maggi also demonstrates with great efficiency how coiled things in life ease out when put in boiling water.
(Disclaimer -The blogger does not guarantee the results, should this be tried upon spouses.)

Though the page on Maggi noodles in Wikipedia lists around 28 flavours of Maggi noodles sold all around the world, my personal favourite has always been the Masala flavour. Some other unnecessary variations such as the Vegetable Atta Noodles and the Dal Sambhar ones have only scored a Saawariya with the masses.

Some things are best left original.

Though the impact of Maggi on a bachelor's life cannot certainly be measured, nor completely expressed in a single blog post, this is just a small tribute to something which has understood the bachelor psyche in a manner like very few others things have.


Vinesh said...

a true epic dedicated to a very deserving hero! :-) hats off to you buddy.

btw, my latest post is also coincidentally about noodles :-)

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Hahahahaha.... you just cheered me up after I've been moaning in low self esteem for the last 6 hours, especially given the fish I cooked last! Thanks... I'll definitely honour this and "cook" maggi tonight. :)

P.S. - Also linked to this post from blogbharti!

Vinod Khare said...

YAMP! (Yet another Maggi post!) and yet another Wanderlust!!

Wanderlust said...

@vinesh- Your video is a complete expression of our respect for Maggi and all others of the noodle family.

@sudipta - May Maggi shower His blessings more and more on you , my friend.

@vinod - Some topics are just timeless and some pen names easy to plagiarise !!

silverine said...

yummm! Mouthwatring post. Next time try Top Ramen curry smoodles. Just before removing from the fire add grated cheese and it is heaven on a plate!! You can try the same with Maggi too.

p.s blogrolling you, hope you dont mind!

Kusum Rohra said...

Finally a well deserving ode to the food which is high in the list of seven wonders (food) in the world.

* claps till she is throw off the premises *

Rajarshi said...

This post reminded me of the days when I used to have Maggi for breakfast, lunch and dinner (if I had the good fortune of having all three)..I never even attempted at 'cooking'..I was too confident of the lack of my 'cullinary skills'..I guess kitchen is just not the place for us..what say:)
Quite an apt tribute to this great but silent savior of bachelors (who love to think 'straight')

Tara said...

Great posts.. came upon your post thru another friend's blog.. really funny stuff.. :-)
The Orkut one was hilarious.. still reading some of your older ones.. there're all pretty good..

Wanderlust said...

@silverine --Thanks for the seemingly delicious tip but grating is a tough word...I have often sacrficed pieces of my finger in the name of grating !!

@kusum - Ah well said ! True followers of the Maggi faith like you and me have a task ahead to keep it in the top spot :-) !!

@Raj- Well kitchen is certainly not the place for us but I am amazed at my creativity when I reach there. Worth a try now and then.But you must have good freinds as roomates who are willing to die for you.

@vandana- Thanks a ton for spending so much of your time on this lunacy.Hope to see you back.

Princess Stefania said...

Thanks for stopping by blogchaat.
I have a friend who once tried whipping up a 'romantic dinner for two' on Valentines Day. A bottle of port wine and two bowls of Maggi noodles... go figure.
Top marks for effort, though.
Loved the post. Most original.

anN-series said...

MAGGI!!!..i read this jus wen i finished slurrping my last pack of 'indian' maggi...(sob sob)..

Somya said...

lol..too good..Maggie,our saviour since god knows when...in hostel days, a packet of maggi(cooked) was even more precious than all the jewels in this world(coz we were not allowed any electrical gadget or asin gas stove or heater so being in the good books of our mess wala bhaiyaji was the only way out)...mouthwatering post:-)

Ankit said...

Oh finally i found a guiy who shares same love and respect for maggi as i do.

mathew said...

hahhaa..nice post dude..
most bachelors would swear by it..

think of malnutrition in india if Maggi dint arrive..its as big a lifesaver as pencillin..

hail maggi...;-P

shruti said...

this was simply superb ...maggie noodles was someone's branchild ..amazing foresight and understanding displayed by MR. MAggi and loved the diff shades u have brought out in ur post

Wanderlust said...

@princess stefania- I must say, your friend was a true romantic. Cheers to him. Thanks for dropping by.

@ann-series --Last pack of Maggi!!! This is like Doomsday ...where do you stay..organise a protest march or something in your neighbourhood to stock Maggi.

@somya- Oh you bet !! A hot steaming pan of maggi in the unofficially kept heater of my hostel room was such a big moral booster and life saviour of course.Thanks for dropping by!

@ankit--Wise men think alike and fools seldom differ.No prizes for guessing to which category we belong ;-)

@matthew--Hail Maggi!! Comrade,
Good to see you here mate.Your opinion is worth in gold when it comes to food posts. You have a rocking blog mate.

@shruti-- Thanks shruti..Mr.Maggi is nothing short of a diety in my eyes. This was just a token effort. ;-)

all that matters said...

Great post... though must say that maggi has been a Saviour not only for the male species of Homo sapien sapiens but the female species too...

I have even discovered different ways of making maggi to pamper my taste buds...

Anonymous said...

You've a very interesting blog. I found my way here courtesy Maggie noodle...I wrote a post on it today. I am adding your log to my roll of honor to find my way back here...hope you don't mind...please visit my blog too if you feel like..
fruity :)

Unknown said...

Wow wonderful post......so true facts about Maggie ......so well written