The IIMs are always in the national news.
If its not about a 22 year old fresher plucking out all the nostril hairs of the 42 year old bum who got the Rs.38 lacs/annum job offer while he could only manage a Rs.8 lac one, it has to be about some over-enthusiastic house-fly which managed to land itself in some soup or the other there.
Recently ofcourse the OBC quota issue has hogged most of the liimlight.
With the government of India being made to pull their ears and do sit-ups by the Supreme Court on this issue, the IIM administration is at a loss again.
Though the institutes have complete autonomy on most issues of the college like deciding on who the milkman will be in the hostels ; for some insignificant policy decisions like student admissions they are bound to follow what Mrs Phulki Debi, the 89 year old deaf mother-in law of the minister of state for Tribal affairs, hallucinates on Saturday evenings.
The journey of the management-aspirants till this stage is briefly touched upon here.
The two of you who read my blogs may remember that I left my discussion on this exam process here when this crowd of MBA aspirants gets demarkated into two categories.
One who would sleep peacefully for the next 4 months and the other who would not.
For this group of Jawans, once the euphoria of the written results has passed away and Chunnu ki Ma has been to his house 4 times reminding his mother of how fortunate she was to have borne a magnificent child like him, the reality of the task ahead would slowly dawn upon him.
There is still a group discussion and personal interview in a months time where a panel of usually three nutty professors play chinese checkers and the one who loses gets to bang the heads of the other two. After 3 hours of this activity, they come to take the interviews.
Pagalguy.com, an online mental institution camouflaged as a web portal provides just the kind of platform that the Jawans need to prepare for this stage of the admission process.
Stage 1- Preparation
Forums have topics as below :
First timers :
1. Can I wear my favourite Orange and Yellow shirt to the interview ....please ? (26 replies)
2. Are we allowed to pull the hairs of and claw at other candidates in a Group discussion ? (454 replies)
Veterans:
3. Hey Rocker, is Prof Jagadish Murthy in the panel for Mumbai this time ? (8 replies)
Moderators:
4. IIM Calcutta has not issued any directive that all interview takers will need to take a bath with Margo soap only before coming for the interview. As last year it was Margo and Hamaan so we have no reason to think that this has changed this time.
(Members spreading such wrong information will be banned permanently. Ha ha !)
5. Pschyometric tests if any, will not test whether you are insane. So you're safe.
6. There would be invigilators from the HRD ministry in the interview halls to see that there is no discrimination being done on the basis of your nose-picking habits and belching disorders or even the length of your footnails.
Stage 2 - GD and Interviews
New thread added at 3 a.m. in the morning some hours before the first interview :
Veterans
Prof. Mule , Prof Mukherjee alongwith Prof Khandelwal's pet dog were seen in the airport today evening.Man we are done for this time !! Please post your GD and interview experiences asap.
New thread added at 5.14 a.m. in the morning some hours before the first interview :
First Timers
Urgent. Hello Please post your GD and interview experiences asap.My bowels are jamming.
New thread added at 6.03 a.m. in the morning some hours before the first interview :
First Timers
Very urgent.Hello Please post your GD and interview experiences asap.I think I will faint.
This goes on till we have some frustrated software engineer sitting in his client location in Japan jotting down 'his' GD and personal interview experiences.
Hi,
My interview and GD went quite well I think.
The GD topic was " When will Arjun Sing ?"
There were a lot of civilized discussions and when the the third sonofabitch and the F-word was heard , Prof Mule (the shorter one) let loose Prof Khandelwal's dog amongst us and sanity prevailed.
My interview was even better infact:
Prof Mukherjee - Surname ?
I- Mishra.
Prof Mule: Are there any places where we can take Prof Khandelwal's dog for his potty ?
I - Yes sir there is the Gateway of India which was built to commemorate the visit of King George V and Queen Mary and was built between 1911 -1924.
Prof Mule - ok ok...how far is it ?
I- Sir would you need it in foot, meters,yard or furlongs ?
Prof Khandelwal's dog (clearly under pressure) - Gnarl Gnarl !!!
I- 10 mins walk Sir.
Prof Mule - Say something about Terrain Contour Matching Navigation system and Digital Scene-Mapping Area Correlator used in cruise missiles .
I- Can I take the dog out for the walk instead sir ?
Prof Mule-Yes you may and that will be all. you may go now. Thank you.
I- Sir can we do this one more time please ?
Prof Mukherjee - Surname ?
I- Lumbeechu
Prof Mule- Hello my son . How are you today ?
I- Not too bad...kind of hot in here ..
Prof Mukherjee - Would you like some tea or coffee, my son ?
I- Beer would be good !
Prof Mule to Prof Khandelwal's dog - Go get Beer !!
Prof Mule - So what does your father do, my son...?
I- He is the Additional District Collector of Hingoli district.
Prof Mukherjee - Oh how unfair !! Such discrimination in this 21st century. Unthinkable.
Prof Mule - You must have had a very oppressed childhood isn't it with no proper schooling and means of expressing your natural self ?
I- Yes indeed so, The dean of the Doon school in Dehradun was a real pain in the ass at times you know. He didn't allow us to stage the play titled "Say of the Gay".
Prof Mukherjee - Ahem...Indeed such disbalance and disparity in the society must be done away with immediately.
Prof Mule- Son , can you name 2 of your subjects from class 12 ?
I- Yeah sure Physics and Sociology
Prof Mukherjee - Excellent Excellent.
Prof Mule- Its really an honour to have you in our institute. If you wish, you can join the campus placements right away. We have forced the Lehman Brothers to reserve their offers for such exceptionally talented people like you, who have been so unjustly held back in their march to progress by unscrupulous meritorious candidates.
Prof Mukherjee- Yes yes Down with merit.
Prof Khandelwal's dog - Woof Woof !!
Stage 3 - The Wait
This is the most familiar phase for the Jawans. Anyone who has been to an engineering college would know how to react when he hears "Semester results are to be declared this evening".
If its the first time he hears it, it usually means that the professor has just received the answer sheets and is waiting for the inevitable annual visit of his wife's now 9-year old nephew to whom he will give them to be corrected.
Aakhir Sale ke bachche hote kisliye hain .
Around the 34th time when an engineer hears that results are to be declared that day, does he walk upto the administrative building and gets to see his results. I remember mine in the 4th semester which came with some additional inputs from my professors:
Subject 1 - Marks 41 ---"A half-eaten Parle-G buscuit is not considered as bribe to the examiner these days."
Subject 2 - Marks 36 ---"Beta nikal gaye haath se isbaar."
Subject 3 - Marks 38 --- "Sexual intercourse is not the answer I was looking at to the question 'Give a few examples of Heat and Mass transfer reactions .' "
Subject 4 - Marks 45 --- "Illustrate Carnot cycle does not mean drawing a Carrot plant and a Tobu cycle beside it."
Subject 5 - Marks 54 --- "Shit, Pee and Fart" are not examples of solid, liquid and gaseous micronutrient fertilizers."
Subject 6 - Marks 48 -- "Expecto Patronum ,Expelliarmus and Crucio are still not the steps in a Acid/base Oxidation-Reduction titration."
Ah those were the days when the professors really cared for you !
Anyway coming back to the subject at hand, our group of Jawans now expectantly wait for April 21st, the date announced by the IIMs when Mrs.Phulki Debi is expected to have her next set of hallucinations.
Wishing them all the best in this endeavour to be a manager.
