Thursday, March 16, 2006

Chitti aayee hain ....

I have been trying to attend to my severely malnourished blog for quite some days now.....and I must admit that the attempts have been pretty ridiculous at best.

But today I am about to write about something,the very thought of which may affect many people with violent internal physical reactions where the long intestine tries to strangulate the smaller one leading to highly abnormal behavior by the orifices of the gastro intestinal tract; it may affect some with severe psychotic disorders characterized by wild hallucinations where they visualize pale kings and warriors and slaves all with starved lips and parched looks betraying a deep sense of loss or pain .So please read at your own risk .

I wish to talk about a scene when you wake up in the morning,waste about 5 and three fourth minute in the bathroom,get dressed ...spray the anti-perspirant ....hail the cab....reach the office...log on to your system with the stage all set for the day's activity to begin and then,just as you are about to click on the Outlook icon on your desktop, you see a small note fluttering near the cubicle which says in bold

"We are currently experiencing problems with email servers KINMLVEM03 and KINMLVEM04.
We will notify you once this problem has been resolved.
On behalf of the IT Department
Thank you"

You just sit back in disbelief...Your world just comes crushing down and you are left helpless in this rude sinister world all alone to fend for yourself bereft of the company of the Sri Ganesha mail which I could not forward today to 20 people within 3 minutes of receiving it ,thus losing out on a very needed promotion,without the morning mail from Subhash with the word Paplu in the subject lines which makes me aware and deeply regret that I missed out on some photographs of some very worthy female who was not afraid to show us what God had sent her with.

This is a catastrophe of a very high degree and this has happened to me today.

What is a software engineer's life without a mailbox....May God spare me from hell for these sacrilegious thoughts ..but I sometimes wonder.
What would have happened had the messages in the mailboxes been delivered by the concerned peoples themselves at everyones desk.Imagine 33 people standing in a queue in front of your cubicle coming one after the other trying desperately to wish you a good morning .Some have come with flowers,some with small rascal puppies in their hands..some are standing with a landscape making you realise that you can never go there with your company's salary but can always be wished a very good morning with it .....some have come with Keats himself ..blah blah blah..
Once you have digested the smelly Upma with the watery tea of the canteen and courteously replied good morning to all dogs,poets,snakes,bears and mountains comes the chance of the daily dosage of Thoughts of the Day.

Story 1#
An old wizened gentleman maybe 123 years of age ,comes and makes himself comfortable in the chair near the server and speaks of how his son is in jail for murdering a chicken in Maneka Gandhi's garden and how with great intellect he helped his old father in digging up his garden sitting within those jail premises..This old man comes every week to tell me the same story again and again...Seems to be a very popular hitch hiker in forward mails...this gentleman.....Man some parents can be real panicky about their children's acheivements..I tell you.......I still remember Ankit's mother attempting to put up an article in the local newspaper after the poor soul came second in the sack race in class II.....
I shifted this old man from the server to the Delete button and the last I heard of him was that he was blissfully travelling amongst the Recycle Bin files amazing the .bug files with tales of his son's chivalry...

Moral of the story : Meet the Parents but leave the Focker's alone

Story 2 #
Two poultry farmers in very high spirits came with their bottles of ale.They also invited my project manager to join thier mirth.They told us of how their hens had suddenly become fertile after they had the bright idea of changing the cock.They were patting their own backs as for the first time their wives too had taken the cue and done the same.

Moral : Never equate wives with hen and always drink beer.

After them,came a crow and a rabbit teaching us valuable management lessons,
Then a turkey's sister came and touched our hearts with the story of how her brother was mercilessly shot by a hunter on a tree top.When we asked her ,how he reached such a height she said a bull friend of theirs had helped his brother gain the strength by allowing him to have the nutrients of his droppings.

Moral :Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Soon we had people from all departments involved....the HRD, the Finance guys ,the hardware people ..everyone was looking into the problem of one person or the other , one animal or the other ...A team of 4 people were sent onsite to Uganda to do a project on searching an uncle who had recently died leaving $23 million to our Account manager's name .
The HR guy spent the afternoon running around the whole office trying to shooo away the fox who came to declare the quarterly profits....some said it was the personifiation of the CFO's mail .....only few disbeleived ...
Amidst all this chaos,when everyone was chasing away someone or the other,the peon replaced the fluttering notes with the latest one which had just been faxed from the corporate office.....It read

The issue with email servers has not been resolved.Please leave for the day as it has just been informed that one of our very esteemed clients has had a very productive hour long meeting with four managers only to be later learnt that the four were infact four ignorant donkeys who had come to narrate the poor story of their exploitation, to one of the employees.This fact will however not be conveyed to the esteemed client who was very pleased with the meeting outcome and has agreed to do business with our company...Let us all work together and take the company to ne.........................blah blah blah ...and more blah blah .....
Sent on behalf of Corporate to the IT Department
Thank you

This is a place where I work. Nice place it is ...What say ???


d diary said...

Great piece

d diary said...


Nuh.. the disco is back in its original form... believe me.. had gr8 fun these two yrs there..

Scoot said...

moral of story one was so funny.
i just finished watching that movie recently hahah
first time in here:)

Wanderlust said...

@d diary : Thanks a lot....

@Maya cassis : Thanks ..Hope to see you more often here ...

mandeepsg said...

amazing..the agonizing wait of the choked up emails cannot be put to words in a better way.....hope they had Harpic to clean up the drainage....

Unknown said...

hiii sir,
may be i missed that fantastic forward about that 123 yr old man..
hope u'll help me out.
I think u forgot the importance of F5 w.r.t. mail box esp for ppl in Talent pool (or "On bench",stating clearly)..plz don't do this..they make 20% of ppl in Infy and TCS..
Great post