Friday, January 20, 2006

Vilayat se..........



England, the country which is so much a part of the Indian psyche.
It starts from the pages of that Indian History text book of class 6 amazing us with tales of Indian chivalry and bravado in fighting off the firangs.From Lala Lajpat Rai to Bhagat Singh,Gandhi to Bose,the Unknown to the Unheard....We fought for and gained our freedom or thats what we learnt in those history books.What happened thereafter is just anyones guess.... Anyway without anymore sounding like the 44 year old painter working as a High court clerk,I wish to pen down something about my days in this country of firangs where strangely they do not anymore shout 'Kutte' at us in an accent which makes Hindi sound like Crocodile fart,nor do not carry whips or wear those wooden hats ..... :-(

Daru aur unginat Budhdhe
This is a strange society though.Quite contrasting at times.The old roam around in Tobu cycle sized scooters which move at say 5 miles an hour while the young are bred on a mixture of concentrated Hydrochloric Acid and AntiIce.
The old are sedate.the young are Punk Shit !!The old are gentle ,The young are Football.The old man sits in the town centre with a paper in hand and some memories,whereas the number of times the young would say Fuck in a single sentence would make one imagine as if its been injected through hypnop├Ždia in their systems.But I must say that one thing all generations revere and hold in the highest esteem is Beer.These English are fishes when it comes to drinking Beer.There is no beating them and surely Keshto Mukherjee must have had British lineage.

Ruk kyon Gaye ......Bajao
My ears are parched to hear the sound of horns in cars.It is assumed to be impolite to bray the horn here and should be considered equivalent to a 'Behen**** kya mera hi gaadi mila tha marne ko', if you are lucky enough to get a horn to your name.

Sahab ..kharcha paani
I recently visited a government office here for some National Insurance number..I met with hospitality and courteousness there and damn it, not a single person forwarded his greasy palm to me for the 5 pounder note.My reaction to it was quite similar to what Evander Holyfield's would have been, had Tyson said "May i bite them please?"

Food. The Lunch plate.....
A mound of mashed Potatoes brimming with the Nobel it got for dumbness.
Some green substances possibly some fern or moss and ...and nothing !!
Thats it ..Well did you expect more .This breed of people have an amazing lack of tastebuds and a bounty of obesity.
Tuntun too must have been British .......

Well its a funny place to be honest....

6 comments:

Devang said...

you forgot to make fun of the weather! and an observation about southall or leicster.

very funny otherwise

Abhi said...

haha , you write fun stuff man !

Wanderlust said...

@devang- Vilayat se part II is on its way..Thanks for your comments brother !!

@abhinav- Buddy this comment from you is a huge morale booster .Thanks

Ellie said...

That was a funny post. And nice to see college people around my blog.

Btw...we in the college are rite now in the chanda mangu mode from the settled alumni...;-) Can I fwd them your details, if you fwd them to me? :-D

Nikhil said...

hullo!
If Digvijay remembers me,Lakhera remembers me,Srini remembers me, I won't pardon you if you don't remember me.Although when you were here your 'repuation' itself was enough for us to shiver sitting in Bhabha Bhavan.
Am Digvijay's compu junior..and even now if you don't recall, there's nothing much I can do,isn't it?!!

P.S.Feels nice to get back at you atleast in the blog world.
P.P.S. How/Where are you?

Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. »