Those of you who were not born as the Khandani Rayees with 257 acres of farmland and a few hundred Aaam ka Bagichaas,with seven people turning up when you shouted Raamu ......or if you were unfortunately born with no lineage of tribes or castes and have been deprived of the priviliges under articles 46,243D,243T,330,332 and a few more of the haloed Indian constitution,then in all probability you would have taken an overnight bus journey sometime or the other.....
Well I recently took one to Edinburgh...the first one outside my country.....It was a 10 hour journey with a gap of an hour in between which is provided to do the same things as we do in India.Well almost.
The journey started with the driver announcing in the most pleasant tone he had ,that he was very pleased to have me on board .....which got me real worried for a minute and that he wished that I had a nice and comfortable experience travelling with National Express which then relaxed me quite a bit for though the English are corny at times with their language, they usually refrain from drawing similarities of their personal abilities to something that has a national reference.
I settled down and took out my chappals,red pyjamas,blankets,Dabur Dant Manjan,a severely chewn blue brush, yellow towel,pink comb,Ponds cold cream,Air Pillow,the polythene with the oil stained Aloo ki sabzi and Brown Bread ..No Mummy...No Roti... ....Oh did I forget to say that these guys also have a toliet within the bus and you are well allowed to get the same feeling of satisfaction as you do you in Ganga Tapti Mail,holding the train handle and completing your duty towards Nature.....
Well Almost
The bus was kind of empty and after a quick Pao-from-the-Burger-and-Bhaji-from-my-polythene dinner,I said my daily prayers to Wills Navy Cut at the next bus station and thought of grabbing some sleep.I took out my socks which were really cross with me as they weren't worn long enough to give them the fragrance of 33 dead rotten mice intestines and strecthed out to all the the four seats which came within the longitudinal ambit of my 175cm body.I pushed the seats in front of me a little ahead much to the dislike of the English lady who pushed them back again .After doing this for seventeen times ,she fell asleep in exhaustion and I got my space.Persistence is something we Indians are so exceptionally brilliant at ..So what Mandal bill wasnt passed in 1989...so what we lost bright lives to stop its implementation then ...it will be passed in 2006 ...Hail Democracy !!
Well I was almost asleep and the dreams for the night were just beginning their castings after the "Vicco turmeric ...nahi Cosmetic" commercial, when I was jolted back to my senses.I was suffocating.My whole breathing mechanism had taken a cue from the State Bank employees and were seeming to go on a strike.I sat up and took huge gulps of air.For a moment,I had this feeling again .....when the whole world flashes before your eyes...I have read in some guidance books that this is a sign of your impending death.The last time I had a similar experience was when I saw Kareena Kapoor in Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon attempting some heavy emotional scene and simultaneously make a face which betrayed complete Baboon lunacy.
This time someone had just farted within the bus and in the name of the father and the son and the holy Ghost, I have not smelt hell, but it could not be worse.
I felt like a guinea pig trapped in a container closed from all sides being injected with lethal cyanide-like air shots.I cried in desperation but the bus had no windows for it was a centrally heated one and boy someone had just added to the heat.
I survived again.Well Almost.
The Dreams cried foul too and packed off for the day... There were to be no more shows unless proper ventilation measures are taken ...they said before leaving .The only one smiling after this were my pair of socks...Damn this species !!!
No sooner had my eyes closed ,when the driver politely announced that we would be taking a short and refreshing break now .The bus would be kept open and all items left in the bus were at the mercy of werewolves,vampires and a few robbers and that we may not worry about the same.It was bloddy 3 a.m. in the morning ...This English politeness kills me .
This country is an advanced one as we all know.Their toilets are spick and span,their mirrors dont have the Birju loves Maina written with the pink lipstick over them...and I was so thrilled so see such a lovely washroom in a bus station that I nearly forgot the purpose of my visit there.Just like the Brits...They are so infatuated with procreation here that they just forget to go the entire distance.The population of UK including England,Wales,Scotland and Ireland and whatever lands that come under this not so united kingdom ,sums up to a little over 6 crores....and let me tell you that the 3 for a pound Condom vending machine within the toilets is certainly not helping matters much .....
After the well avoided refreshment, I fell off to sleep again ....Just as you too might have ,if you have read this far ....
baki ki kahaani kabhi baad me ....bore ho gaya type karte karte ...
